• Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Shop
  • Library
  • Contact
0

Lacey Rabalais

  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Shop
  • Library
  • Contact
Motherhood, Personal

Miscarriage :: Yes, I was pregnant. But now I’m not.

July 15, 2015

Telling the world that you’re pregnant is so exciting! I never thought that I would be untelling people just days/weeks later. Now people still congratulate our family and then someone has to tell them I’m not pregnant anymore. Would I change the fact that we told everyone?!? NO WAY! If I wouldn’t have shared my excitement I would be alone in this grief. Alone?!? Right now….that would be horrible! So for those of you wondering, here’s what happened.

On Mother’s Day (which was also my 28 birthday) rolled around, I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I’d made this little plan to pee on a stick. Yes, I took a pregnancy test and a positive quickly showed up. I knew straight away that it was accurate. As well as just having that feeling that something incredible is about to happen to your body, my friend told me that a similar test that she took from Countrywide Testing, (https://www.countrywidetesting.com/collections/pregnancy-and-ovulation) has been accurate for her with all of her pregnancies. All five of them. So, I just knew that this was right. We were finally going to be parents. We were bouncing up and down. What a great day to celebrate.
We went to church, had lunch with friends, and kept our little secret until we could confirm at the doctor. Monday rolls around and I had blood work done. All levels are great….pregnant!!!!
We had an ultrasound and everything was good but it was early and the heartbeat was low. My doctor said that it was probably normal but we’d recheck in 2 weeks. So 2 weeks later, a beautiful little gummy bear dancing on an ultra sound machine with a beautiful heartbeat. Everything was good. © 2015, Taylor J PhotographyIt never dawned on me that this was something that we could loose. I was puking and sensitive to smells and really exhausted.

Tuesday we looked at some houses and I came home to put our toddler down for a nap and I felt weird. I called my doctor and the nurse said all the symptoms were normal that I needed to drink more water and rest. So I took a nap and drank a ton of water.
The week passed and everything seemed ok. I had noticed I wasn’t as sick but every pregnancy is different. Or so I’m told. So I really was just hoping that was it.
Friday, we looked at more houses and we liked 2 of them!!!! We were so excited. Came home and I felt like something wasn’t right. I called the nurse and she said my doctor was out and I could see the nurse practitioner. I rushed over. And waited.
I waited and prayed over a verse we discussed at a moms meeting for church the night before. “My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in your weakness.”
They couldn’t find a heartbeat through my belly. But it was early and let’s be real….there’s still some extra weight there from having Nate. So I went to ultrasound. Quickly the cutest little gummy bear came up on the screen. I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t see any flickering. The nurse was somber. I asked about the heart and she said “hang on one second”. She was measuring. And probably collecting her thoughts. She confirmed the lack of heartbeat and said the baby measured smaller than 12 weeks.

I then sat alone in the ultrasound room. Wrapped in a paper sheet. I didn’t want to cry loudly as I feared other mamas would hear me as they celebrated with their own ultrasounds. I cried and somewhat held it together. I called J and explained. He was determined to come get me but I wanted to be alone. I had to go back to talk to the doctor and she explained everything and what would happen next.

The ultrasound tech, the nurse, and the nurse practitioner all spoke to me about God. It was so nice for them to not be worried about being politically correct and speak truth to me.

I drove home after an ugly cry in the parking lot. When I turned onto our street, I could see a handsome man and a strawberry blonde cutie waiting on the porch for me. I smiled. God is so good. All the time. I cannot deny that. He told us that we would suffer. But I don’t feel I can really complain.

For lack of better words, this sucks. It does. And I’ve made up lies in my head….this isn’t as bad as what so and so went through, at least I have a baby, this could be worse, etc. But my hurt doesn’t take away from others. It’s still my hurt and we are allowed to be sad. We are allowed to be angry and confused. We don’t know what God has in store for us and we trust him. We know His plan is better. But we are human, he created us with emotions and I’m sure he (of all people) understands loosing a child. Now Baby Rab 2 is wrapped in the arms of our creator. Never knowing any pain or suffering. There is no question in my mind that my child is in Jesus’s arms. I prayed for comfort and some sort of peace through all of this and I’m so thankful for all of the friends and family that have reached out to me. There’s no way for us to know what happened or why, they can’t find a reason.

I spent 2 days searching for information on what was to happen next. There was no real answer besides WebMD telling me something horrible. Now I know why I couldn’t find anything. There’s no way to put into words the heartache or the physical pain that follows. I did need to have a d&c. It truly wasn’t as bad as I thought and I was just glad to know that everything was complete and over. It was some sort of closure.

I’m pretty sure there will never be a time that I don’t think about this child. I’m so thankful for the little one that I do have as I cannot imagine going through this before having him. My husband has been a rock. My family and friends have been so supportive. The amount of prayers and love that we’ve received is nothing short of amazing.

But here’s our family ALL 4 of us, when everything was perfect.

© 2015, Taylor J PhotographyPhoto by Taylor J Photography

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
Share

You May Also Like

Goals Don’t Define Worth

April 2, 2018

Leave Room for Life // Car Organization

October 31, 2017

Favorite Podcasts

November 25, 2020

Leave a Comment Cancel Comment

Categories

  • Faith
  • Holidays
  • Home
  • Lacey Cooks
  • Lacey Reads
  • Mama & Littles
  • Motherhood
  • Personal
  • Photography
  • The Rab Farm

Last week I had the opportunity to sit among women Last week I had the opportunity to sit among women who said they want to learn more about God and His word.
Because I volunteered to lead a study and because I never want to go light in leading a provided study, here I sit.

Seven reference books stacked on the floor, a few lectures listened to, and now I get to write a list of questions. I’m good at asking questions that stretch the mind. I do it all day to myself.

So for lunch, I grabbed a BLT from my fav spot and worshiped. Because other than wife, mom, and homemaker....this is the coolest thing God’s ever had me do. And because it’s the coolest, I refuse to do it mediocre.

Theology matters - because God matters.
For our good & His glory. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For our good & His glory.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s hard to say that what the world deems as bad, God can say it’s good.
I say this from the stance that I think loss is bad. Grief is hard. Miscarriage shouldn’t be good.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Today is a hard day. Not a bad day. Hard because it’s the due date of the child we lost. Five years of empty should-be-birthdays.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But God.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instead of sitting in the what-ifs, I’ll bask in His glory. Maybe this can help me understand a fraction of God’s grief over the cross. I can’t fathom that at all.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Hope. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My hope isn’t in this world, nor answering why, nor is my hope in the children that I have.
My hope is in an eternity with God. Where I’ll one day meet my child and spend an eternity of days with them at the feet of Jesus. Because of God’s mercies, I can say that hope in an eternity like that beats out all the what-ifs and should-bes here.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My children are His first. Each day with them is merely an extension of His grace and we live at the mercy and pleasure of a mighty God.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Do I want to say that my loss and grief is good? No I don’t want to but I trust God that it is. It’s good that because of trials, I’ve been sanctified more. It’s good that because of grief I’ve had to learn to depend more on Him than myself or my husband. It’s good because when I surrender and believe that it’s all His, I’m obedient and He gets the glory.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s good.....because God said so.
It’s good.....because He is sovereign. 
It’s good.....because God is good.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It is good. It is good. It is good.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
For me, it helps with searching for scriptures. I For me, it helps with searching for scriptures. I might not know the exact location of a book but this has helped with my overall knowledge and understanding of the Bible. I now can ask myself, what category does this book fall into, and then search that way. I love bible tabs but this makes it more based on my knowledge and understanding.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This is how it's broken down...⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Pentateuch // First 5 books of the Old Testament: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
History // Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 & 2 Samuel, 1 & 2 Kings, 1 & 2 Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah, and Ester⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Poetry // Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Major Prophets // Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations, Ezekiel, and Daniel⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Minor Prophets // Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, and Malachi⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Gospels // Matthew, Mark, Luke, & John⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
History // Acts⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Letters // Romans, 1 & 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1 & 2 Thessalonians, 1 & 2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon, Hebrews, James, 1 & 2 Peter, 1-3 John, and Jude⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Prophecy // Revelation⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#bibletabs #biblestudy #homegrowntheologian #washitapebible #biblejournaling #theologianalways #everyonesatheologian #esvbible #crosswaybooks #theologian #biblestudent
The world may seem like it's on fire. ⠀⠀⠀⠀ The world may seem like it's on fire. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Some places might actually be. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But you know what's most important to focus on? God. Spouse. Family. Church. Community.

Watching the news is overwhelming. No one seems to know what's up and what's sideways. Where are the adults?!?!?!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Oh wait. At some point in the last couple of decades, I became an adult. And I'm at home raising boys to be adults in the next couple of decades.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
That is purposeful work. That is how we further the kingdom. That's how we help others know God.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Do the work right in front of you!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It's less stressful than watching the other adults burn the place to the ground. Plus we know that one day...this whole place is going to be up in flames (read Revelation).
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Surely we want to do our best to make the world a little better, but it's not all on us. God is sovereign. And what I'm going to focus on are what God has asked me to steward in the time I have. Because that's important to Him.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What's important to God should be what is important to us.
I often get asked how I have so much time to read. I often get asked how I have so much time to read. No matter if it's a nonfiction book or my bible, I have time to read because I make the time to read. I love to read. I love to learn. I love theology because I love God.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If you want to read your bible more this year....⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1. Make the time.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2. Remove distractions. Turn your phone on do not disturb, turn off the tv, let your kids play outside while you read, read aloud to your family.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
3. Accountability makes you stick with it. A discussion group helps because you don't want to be the only one not knowing what is going on!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You can do it. There's no race. But I promise the more you do it, the more you will want to do it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#homegrowntheologian #theologymatters #readyourbible #bibleinayear #theology #priorities #solasistersco #biblestudy #biblejournal #raisingtinydisciples #kidtheologians #familytheologians #familydevotions
  • About
  • Cookie Policy
  • Privacy Policy

Lacey Rabalais Site Powered by Pix & Hue.